1) Grad school was lame for a number of reasons, not the least of which that it made me feel like I constantly had my hand in the cooky jar. Whether I was watching TV, doing a fun crafty thing, working out, visiting my family - whatever I was doing with my LIFE, I felt guilty about because it detracted from school. I felt doubly guilty because my life was making it difficult to do well in school, and the cycle perpetuated itself.
The other main reason grad school was lame is because I saw no real purpose for what I was doing. It was interesting to me and a select few historians/scholars in the world and that's it. I wasn't doing something of significance in my view - religion is significant to me, but apparently not to the majority of Western society. So, I felt as though I was plugging away at something that was not especially worth my time.
2) School is, by definition, not working - thus, I felt like I was "practicing" living life, rather than actually living it. Since I have been in school my whole life up until now, that is a long time of feeling bored and a little unhappy and impatient.
3) I can't remember a time since high school when I didn't have a crush on a guy or wasn't dating someone. For the first time since I was old enough to do so, I am not dating anyone, I am not interested in anyone, and I am feeling quite pleased with the single state.
Clearly, the fact that I am no longer in graduate school contributes a great deal to my current feeling of well-being. Those of you who are still in school, kudos to you - all of you had projects/topics FAR more relevant than mine. If I were to do it over again, I would have picked either comparative religions or 19th/20th century Austria, except that everyone does that, and I have a rule against being like everyone else. :) Anyway, I wouldn't have focused on fin-de-siecle like everyone, I would have focused on 1848 and Hungary's successful attempts to become more autonomous. Perhaps because of the current situation with Austria in the center of Europe and having all these historic ties to the new member states, I am quite interested in how it is all working. In fact, that was my independent project that I worked on last time I was in Austria. But anyway, the thought of working for years and years on a dissertation about Austrian villages in the 16th century - well.... it doesn't fill me with excitement. Comparative religions would have been fun too, but it would have seemed almost like cheating since I find world religions/practices so fascinating that it wouldn't have seemed like work.
So the end result is that I am happy to have a job I like, living in a place I love, working with people I like, studying a language I like, living with people I like, and Christmas is almost here! I think though, that even going back to school for my teaching certificate next fall will be easier mentally than grad school. If I ever go back, I will make sure to choose something that I really, really care about, not just something that I find really interesting. Interesting doesn't get you through pages and pages of primary documents and stacks of secondary literature.
Would you believe I read "Babylonian Captivity of the Church" for fun? Now THIS is a man too many people are studying. When I came to the UO, I wanted to write my thesis on the response of women to the Reformation - why, if we are often taught how the Catholic Church oppressed women, did Catholic women fight with everything they had to remain Catholic? And why did other women choose to support the Evangelical movement? Now THAT is fascinating. Too bad there's about zero primary sources available at the UO for such a topic.
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